To Serve to Represent

To Serve to Represent

Have you read Trump’s letter to Kim Jong-un? Something so incoherent must have come directly from the chief executive, right? Wrong! The letter was heavily redacted, but Donald’s imaginary friend John has just leaked the original. It is reproduced below.

His Excellency

Kim Jong Un

Chairman of the State Affairs Commission

of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea

Pyongyang

Dear Mr. Chairman:

We greatly appreciate your time, patience, and effort with respect to our recent negotiations and discussions relative to a summit long sought by both parties, which was scheduled to take place on June 12 in Singapore. I sign the letter below as an individual, but here I use the royal “we”. We were informed that the meeting was requested by North Korea, but that to us is totally irrelevant. I forget who informed us, was it“deep state” which may be lying, or are we the ones who are lying? Wait, I just said it’s totally irrelevant, who brought this up anyway? I was very much looking forward to being there with you. We have so much in common, bro. Sadly, based on the tremendous anger and open hostility displayed in your most recent statement, I feel it is inappropriate, at this time, to have this long-planned meeting. That’s right, I am canceling the summit because the last thing you said rubbed me the wrong way. Therefore, please let this letter serve to represent that the Singapore summit, for the good of both parties, but to the detriment of the world, will not take place. How do like that expression “serve to represent”? I forget where I heard it before. You talk about nuclear capabilities, but ours are so massive and powerful that I pray to God they will never have to be used. Despite all the pleasantries, I am threatening to blow you to bits.

I felt a wonderful dialogue was building up between you and me, and ultimately, it is only that dialogue that matters. Hey, what’s more important than our banter? Some day, I look very much forward to meeting you. If I don’t blow you up first. In the meantime, I want to thank you for the release of the hostages who are now home with their families. That was a beautiful gesture and was very much appreciated. Almost as beautiful a thing as wall between the US and Mexico.

If you change your mind having to do with this most important summit, please do not hesitate to call me or write. No need to go through the State Department, I never use it myself. The world, and North Korea in particular, has lost a great opportunity for lasting peace and great prosperity and wealth. Almost as much wealth as my real estate empire is worth. This missed opportunity is a truly sad moment in history. Just remember, I cancel on you, you don’t cancel on me.

Sincerely yours,

Donald J. Trump

President of the United States of America, can you believe it?